Question:
HI,
I am writing about my mother. She has been married to my father for 27 years and in the past few days, something has happened and we think she has gone mentally ill, i need some help on diagnosing her or just what to do. A few days ago she announced that she is separating from my father, we are a christian family, and she has no reasonings for her decision. SHE HAS GONE NUTS, she has lost a great amount of weight, and is completely spacey all the time, she has a high energy level, but is freaking out in the odd situation.(yelling screaming,) than she will come abck fifeen minutes later, deny what she had said and be cheerful, but in a creepy way. Though she is the one leaving, she has put my dad in a downstairs bedroom, and has ordered him to not eat with the rest of the family, and he is the one who she freaks out on. At first she said that she didn't want any money or anything from my dad, but is now asking for basically everything my dad has, our family lawyer suggested this, who my mom has contacted, and been working with. He will have to take out a 2nd mortgage to support this. She is also just acting very weird. She wants to seperate the family and have her with some kids and him with the other (we are a family of nine kids) this is completely uncharacterist of my mother, she usually is extremely protective of the kids, for her to suggest this even is beyond me. As well everything is EXTREMELY SECRETIVE, she keeps making these highly confidential phonecalls, if she is on her e-mail when you walk upstairs she starts freaking, and she has even got a key lock on her bedroom door, and has taken my dads key away from him. Though I have expressed I will not talk to her because of what she is doing to the family, she keeps sliding comments to me, and suddenly seems interested in my life. and is majorly sucking up to the younger kids (bringing them take out lunches at school, which is something she has NEVER done, as we never had the money) and is also making sporadic trips out of town. She makes it sound like she has been planning this for years, but as of yet has made no final decisions. She will not talk about this to anyone either. She has been a stay at home mom for the past 27 years, and has not really had a "job" otherwise. Just recently however, in the past year about(kind of when this all started) she started attending a college, where she met all these "great people" now she is calling them her support group. A few of us older kids are possibly suspecting another man, but her pyschotic reactions have us speechless. We are at a loss and worrying abuot our family, my father has gone into a horrible state of severe depression (vomitting, not eating, sleeping, crying etc) and we are trying to get him some help. We just want my mom away from all of us. I have noticed as well that she is taking a medication called "APO-NORFLOX NORFLOXACIN" i think it is used for urinary tract infections. a side effect of this drug is phsycotic reactions. but I NEED to find out what to do! Should we go to her doctor?? and see if he could help?? What do we do? my dad doesn't want to get a lawyer because of lawyer-lawyer battles, and as well he doesn't have the money! my mother has always been a bit loopy but this is WAY beyond us.
My siblings and i just want this over, we want our old mom and family back.. This is starting to affect all of us, and we can not go on. If anyone knows anything like this, or could lead me in another direction if this is the wrong type of board PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do! My family is living in a nightmare right now, all help is appreciated.
Answer:
Well, first of all, there is nothing you can do or force her to do, like see her doctor or a psychiatrist, as she is an adult & not even your father can force her. Unless, she did something so outragious that the police had to be called, then he may be able to sign her in to the hospital.
I have several thoughts, the one is "another man", the trips out of town, the phone calls & the emails she doesn't want anyone to see.
There is another thought & that is, could she be going thru the change of life? Many women freak out & lose it because of emotional problems during the change.
AT this point, the best you can do is for all of the children to rally around your dad & give him all your support as he is the one taking this so hard.
Also, he DOES NEED A LAWYER! I am serious, he will be taken to the cleaners without one. You say he can't afford one, but he sure won't be able to afford what HER lawyer will do to him.
Let us know how things are. I hope this has helped some.