Question:
My STBXW is telling my oldest daughter that she can't tell me anything mom and her talk about, that it's a secret. I don't tell my daughter not to tell her mother anything. Is this right?
Answer:
I'm really appalled at your ex. She sounds like a bully. If she knew what's best for her daughters, she would stay on friendly terms with you, be flexible about custody, and would definitely NOT have a boyfriend moving in with her that she barely knows. She would know that your little girls love you AND need you both. She would be gentle with their feelings and not use them as little pawns in her game. Do you have a good lawyer? You need to borrow money if necessary to get good legal counsel. You also need to stand your ground with your ex. It's really hard when you're afraid she's going to snatch your own children away from you, but it's what you need to do!! I'm rooting for you.
Answer:
Got a lawyer, papers have been filed, going for primary physical custody of my daughters. As part of going to court I have been writing down everything I can rememeber about what she said and did. The day before she went to get her BF, she told me she was going to scar the children for life. The day before that, she had told me that it was time for her to be selfish. Of course I didn't know about the BF moving in then. I had asked her, when she told me she was moving out, if she was going to hook up with this guy and she said no. The oldest has told me that the new BF hurt her. And then her mom just told her he didn't mean too. Now I know kids don't always get things right, I wasn't there, I don't know what happened, but I have to believe my daughter, but also I can't just go over there and take them away. I had the girls this weekend. My STBXW was the one that told me when I could see them and not see them. Both of them told me they wanted to stay tonight, and have me take them to daycare in the morning. The STBXW said she needed to talk to the oldest, so I let her. I could tell she was saying something to to guilt her into going back tonight, because the oldest was saying stuff like I guess so and OK maybe that is fair. I don't know if this was the right thing to do but it is what I did. I took the phone back from my daughter, covered it so W couldn't hear and told my oldest, if you want to go back to your mom's thats fine, if you don't that's fine too. You decide and I will back you on your decision. I have told the W many times that if the girls don't feel like seeing or talking to me, they don't HAVE too. I feel, with all that's going on in their lives, they shouldn't be forced to be with one parent or the other if they don't want to be.
The W has also told people how she plans to go to Canada after tax season, she works in a cpa firm. She has talked about moving there before. She tells people about how much her daughter like the new BF, but she seems to forget to mention that she told them that they HAVE to respect him and treat him nice, no matter how they feel. She even made a deal with the oldest, that she would buy her some nice stuff, if she treats the BF nice. All I tell my oldest is that I love her, and to always be HONEST about what she feels with EVERYONE. Not to tell me something because she thinks thats what I want to hear. I am so turned around inside. I just want to be the best Dad I can be and do what is right for my girls.
Answer:
The ex is planning to move to Canada? With the girls, I suppose? If you're all US citizens, that's going to be difficult because from what I know, both parents have to remain in the same country - even the same state - as each other to have joint custody of their children.
Divorces are usually so hard on children, but especially hard when one parent gets mean & manipulative. My stomach hurts just thinking about your situation; I can imagine how your little girls' stomachs feel. Poor things. I hope they end up with you.
Answer:
That is simply awful!!
Now, if you DO talk to your ex about what she told your oldest daughter it will be out that your daughter did tell you something that she's "not supposed to".
What it DOES tell me is that there are things going on out there that your ex doesn't want you to know about. Bad news either way.
I wouldn't call her Mom a liar to your oldest daughter's face, but I would laugh a little and tell her very reassuringly that you are her father and whatever she would talk to her mom about she can certainly talk to you about. Except what to get you for Christmas.
Like that kind of.